HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

 

A lot of times, we ourselves in our relationships or others' witness minute triggers escalating into full blown volcanoes. Why and how does that happen and how to identify that? How to de-escalate it?

1. One who is already stressed is bound to respond in an angry manner to seemingly non- provocative comments. Check out with that person if he is not feeling alright and if a later date might be a better opportunity  to discuss it. If that person is still not able to handle it right, politely refuse to engage and leave the situation. 

2. One that has been resenting a particular behaviour in you for long, but unable to vocalise it, breaks out loud for an unprovocative comment because it resembles somehow those comments you might have passed previously. In such a scenario, it is better to wait until that person settles down, ask what you have done that intrigued him or her and listen, trying to understand. The human behaviour is so complicated that there are no binary responses to stimuli. So getting that person to explain his reasons will help in resolving the conflicts.

3.  A person with repetitive childhood trauma. The smallest of the triggers will take that person through his horror filled situations in is childhood and he might be infact reacting to those retrospective repressions rather than the now and here. In that case, wait till that person cools down, ask if he is ok to talk about what bothers him and if not, explain that such behaviour hurt you and made communication impossible and that if repetitve might harm the relationship. Chances are that, if you are really rspectful to the person and trustworthy, he might express it to you and seek help. 

4. A person who takes offence easily and suspects the others'intentions.Here is a person who takes liberty to misinterpret every occasion and doubts , rather proclaims that the other person was out to hurt them and ridicule them in the first place. If you find such a behaviour, withdraw yourself from the argument and do not engage. It is not going to be of any use eplaining this to that person for he might be sufferring from psychiatric issues. Suggest to someone known to that person that he probably is not taking things in the right manner and might need some porfessional help. Step out and stay safe.

Communication in a relationship is an asset. It needs years to build up and after years, words do not matter as the persons in the relationship will be able to anticipate and read others'minds. It takes years of vigorous effort from both sides, lots of hurts and insults buried and walked over, love and happy moments  to forget the bad memories and grow together. What is required is the constant effort and hope to reach this place together.